Two years ago, I changed forever.

I had something i needed to let go of. Something very heavy. Not just externally but internally, as well.

If I had known the gravity of what I’d be doing, I don’t know if I would have had the courage. But sometimes, “When I’m ready,” naturally evolves of its own into Now.

Pain is a funny thing. People handle it differently.

Some people let it rot inside them. Thus it does, and it rots them too. Body and soul.

Some people build a shrine to it, staring at it every day, worshiping it. And like any god they demand others worship it too. In this they become blind to the pain that everyone carries. Everyone.

The mass of humanity denies it, pretends it isn’t there, medicates it with drink and drugs, food and sex, addiction and avoidance. Some even succeed at convincing themselves it isn’t there. But a burden on the back, let alone in the body, never got lighter by denial.

The final group learns to let it go. And how to release it is indeed is a thing to learn. For this group comes to realize, however they do, that Divine grace is not always forthcoming. That no one can do it for them, if not them. That among all the people in the entire world, only one can walk within, sword in hand, into the dark, to find what’s living there. And slay it, once and for all, in order to be free.

This process is the only way forward.

The only. Way. Forward.

Storm Seas
Stormy seas off Dunedin, New Zealand. (Will Spencer | iPhone6S)

I got “lucky.” I was forced into circumstances in my life that helped me realize these truths, that I had to learn to do this in order to survive. Literally. I would not have made it otherwise.

But I’ve a fight in me.

This photo, and this post from my blog a year ago commemorate a turning point in that process.

I do not say “my life changed’ to start this post, like I might have a year ago. I say “I changed.” And life changed around me.

I wish the same for you, that however you choose to handle your pain, you find the fight in you, you find the courage to go into those places where no one else can go, confronting the beasts that live in there and slaying them with love, love for yourself. And forgiveness, and compassion, for yourself and all others trapped in this very human predicament.

I pray that you find helpers, and healers, magicians to accompany you into the dark and light the way.

And I pray for you no small measure of grace, the kind of Grace that blesses the warrior before the noble fight, and that meets the falling blade with a thunderstroke, and victory.

An Anniversary


This post originally appeared on Facebook.

5 thoughts

  1. Big ❤️❤️❤️ my friend. Big ❤️❤️❤️.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. As before, as in still the case, I wish you well. Ciao.
    ~ Lum

    1. Brother! It means so much to me to know you’re still out there. How are you doing? How it life? I’m sending you all that <3 <3 ,3 and those well-wishes right back, to you and the whole family.

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